Hey, where did my band go?

So, I totally threw in the towel this weekend. I have been frustrated that I have been doing things right and the scale is not moving so I totally gave up yesterday! I ate everything I could find. I had ice cream 3 different times - just yesterday!! Not to mention all the other stuff that I managed to put away. And the whole time I kept thinking - "ooh, this is not going to go down", or "this is going to make me really full and I am going to be miserable". But NO! None of that happened. It was like I didnt even have a band - like a typical food fest that I used to have before being banded. I am still shocked at how much I was able to eat all day long. I was looking back at the calendar - and since my first fill on July 13th I have not lost a single pound!!!! Ok so I have gone up and down 3 pounds but from my weight that day to my weight today - it is exactly the same. I am so frustrated. I guess I just need a fill? I am not sure how anyone can refer to lapband as the "easy" way out. I have not found this to be easy at all. And frankly I am a little disappointed at how hard it really is. I myself must have been naive about the ease at which this would happen - because it is WAY harder than what I imagined it would be. There has to balance out there somewhere - and as Cara mentioned many others seemed to have found it - I just wish it wasn't so elusive for me!!

On a different note, I spent most of the weekend working on my grand daughter's first birthday invitations and pictures. I have to share a couple of the pictures with you because she is the cutest thing ever! These pictures dont really show how cute her tutu is that I made but it is adorable - if I do say so myself. : )

Feeling yucky

I think everyone around here is sick! I have been fighting off this cold all week long, but I think I have lost the fight. My head is stuffy and my nose is runny and I just feel really tired and run down. Somehow I still managed to eat a serving and a half of homemade Lasagna for dinner. Man was it good! I don't think I have seconds of anything since I had surgery but this was really good and it went down easy - so I did indulge. I still seem to be stuck at the same weight. I don't think I am ready for another fill but it seems like nothing is happening. I wouldn't say I am hungry all the time or anything so maybe I just need to make better choices and of course start exercising again - which doesn't even sound reasonable when I don't feel good. I am not going to stress about it just yet - just gonna keep doin' what I'm doin'.

Hiding out

So I have kinda been hiding out lately - sorta lurking. Reading other blogs but not posting anything. I have been having a really difficult time. Too much restriction, then had an unfill - but still struggling. I am just really having a hard time figuring out how to eat again. I wasn't prepared for this. I thought I had weeks until I had so much restriction that things would be difficult. Well, not the case for me. So I haven't lost weight, and had actually gained a few pounds and in general had nothing to say - except this sucks and why is this so hard - which is not something I really wanted to blog about. But, I think things are getting better. I don't want to be someone who posts only when things are going well (even though that is SO much easier), so I think I need to remind myself that I am posting for myself. And even if I am rambling or whining and complaining - I may need these posts to look back on and remember how things were when it was really hard - because I am sure it will be again. Its easy to get caught up in thinking "what will people think when they read this" and not really blog about what I am thinking or feeling - which is the whole reason I started blogging to begin with...as well as to be in a community with others that are going through the same process. I do like reading others comments and they do help me a lot - I just don't want it to be the reason that I blog. And I learn a lot from other people's blogs too - so I want to take the best parts of the blog community and not get caught up in what others think (like I do in so many areas of my life). So, with all that said, I am moving on to blogging again. And I have to say, that even though I know this whole banding thing is a long process - it is not easy! And it is hard for me to deal with gaining weight, especially when I have spent this much money (cash pay!) to be able to lose the weight and keep it off. But I have to remind myself to keep an eye on the big picture - I have lost weight overall and it has been a long time since I have lost this much in 2 1/2 months - so I will try to be thankful and remind myself to not get so caught up in the numbers and just learn how to eat again. :)

UnFill

I went yesterday morning to have some fill taken out. My doctor only took out .3cc, but it has made a difference. I can actually eat more than three bites with out discomfort now. It is so much better! He told me to come back in 4-6 weeks, but I am not sure I will need to by then...but we shall see. Still seems like I have restriction, and I don't get that hungry, so I should be able to eat better now that I can have more solid food again. I have had chicken today and fish and it all went down fine....even had a 1/4 of a toasted bagel and although it was slow going - it went down with out too much problem. Yay!