Hiding out

So I have kinda been hiding out lately - sorta lurking. Reading other blogs but not posting anything. I have been having a really difficult time. Too much restriction, then had an unfill - but still struggling. I am just really having a hard time figuring out how to eat again. I wasn't prepared for this. I thought I had weeks until I had so much restriction that things would be difficult. Well, not the case for me. So I haven't lost weight, and had actually gained a few pounds and in general had nothing to say - except this sucks and why is this so hard - which is not something I really wanted to blog about. But, I think things are getting better. I don't want to be someone who posts only when things are going well (even though that is SO much easier), so I think I need to remind myself that I am posting for myself. And even if I am rambling or whining and complaining - I may need these posts to look back on and remember how things were when it was really hard - because I am sure it will be again. Its easy to get caught up in thinking "what will people think when they read this" and not really blog about what I am thinking or feeling - which is the whole reason I started blogging to begin with...as well as to be in a community with others that are going through the same process. I do like reading others comments and they do help me a lot - I just don't want it to be the reason that I blog. And I learn a lot from other people's blogs too - so I want to take the best parts of the blog community and not get caught up in what others think (like I do in so many areas of my life). So, with all that said, I am moving on to blogging again. And I have to say, that even though I know this whole banding thing is a long process - it is not easy! And it is hard for me to deal with gaining weight, especially when I have spent this much money (cash pay!) to be able to lose the weight and keep it off. But I have to remind myself to keep an eye on the big picture - I have lost weight overall and it has been a long time since I have lost this much in 2 1/2 months - so I will try to be thankful and remind myself to not get so caught up in the numbers and just learn how to eat again. :)