Saturday, May 30, 2009

Ugh! Too Much!!!

I just ate one of those pasta bowls from Domino's pizza, along with a bread stick and a dessert I feel sick! It was way too much. I had actually stopped earlier and left most of the bowl but now I just went back and finished it off. Ugh. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I do this to myself. I don't know why I do this!!! I know this is one of the things that I will have to dig deeper into and really discover why I do this if the cycle is ever going to change. I am hoping the band will slow me down long enough to figure out why I do this and be able to stop. I so want to have freedom from the hold that food has over me. Is that too much to ask for? I sure hope not!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Keeping it to myself

I haven't told very many people that I am having surgery. My husband, my kids, and a couple of my closest friends. I am just not ready to start shouting from the roof tops to everyone else - (except of course on lap band message boards - because they get it!). I know that there will be others that have their opinions or "concerns" and frankly I just don't want to hear them right now. I am sure at some point it will come out to those who I haven't told and they will probably give me a hard time because I didn't tell them...but I will deal with that when it happens. I did tell one of my co-workers today...mostly because she will be covering for me while I am out and because I have a couple lunch meeting scheduled with her in the coming weeks. So, I figured that would be kinda awkward if she didn't know why I wasn't eating lunch. She was very excited for me and had a few questions but I did not feel any judgement from her. She is a skinny little thing and has never been overweight so I didn't really think she would understand but I was pleasantly surprised that she was very supportive.

On a totally separate note, I have really got to get my act together. I have got some unpacking to do - just got back from a business trip to Vegas - and my room is a wreck! Plus I still have to pick up my essentials from the grocery store and get all my laundry done. I plan to do that this weekend so that I can be totally ready on Monday. I have to be a the surgery center at 6am Tuesday morning! I cant believe it is actually so close to happening...I am so ready to get this started. Not that I have been trying for months to push this through or get approved by my has all actually happened very quickly. I have thought about it for a long time but kept talking myself out of it thinking that I didn't "need" to take that route - that I could do it on my own. But the truth is I cannot maintain any weight loss of a long period of time. And as I get older it is getting harder and harder to lose each time. I almost cant imagine what it will be like to lose weight and KEEP it off this time. It almost seems too good to be true...and if I am honest with myself I do have my doubts as to whether or not it will work or if I will be successful at this...but I am eager to give it my all and hope for the best. 3 more days to go...trying not to have too many "last meals"!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

4 days to go!!

I cant beleive I only have 4 days left till surgery! I am so excited...and a little nervous. But mostly I am anxious to get started and a bit concerned about being successful. From what I have read on other boards, alot of people have the same feelings. Worried that they will fail. I would definitely say that is what I am feeling - especially after going through surgery and paying for it myself! I want so much to be successful, and the thought of getting to the point where I can maintain a healthy weight and not have to do this roller coaster thing anymore is pretty exciting!