Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I need help!!

It has been a couple months since my last uh I mean post. I have had a lot going on so just to give you an update I will do a quick run thru. So, a couple weeks after my last post (on Feb 26th, I really cant believe it has been that long!!) I got a stomach virus and couldn't throw up - a sure sign that I was way too tight - and I had to go to the Dr and get fill removed. He removed almost all of what I had in my band and said I would need to wait 2 weeks before I get fill added back in. I was relieved at the time because it was really scary and painful to have my body trying to throw up and absolutely nothing would come thru the band! So, once all the fill was removed and I was over the stomach virus I discovered that I could eat anything (and everything!). This was like a new found freedom, and like a old friend returning to me. Also, again showed me I was too tight before because I realized I was very limited foods and still having pain with those. Anyway, I managed to eat my way through the next couple weeks and make it back to the dr for a fill on April 6th. I had lost a couple pounds while I was sick, but I gained those plus some of their friends during that two weeks. Went back to the dr and got fill put in (2 cc I think), and he told me to come back in 4-6 weeks. I have noticed some change in what i am able to eat - but still not enough. I managed to lose the pounds that had gained but I have been traveling for work the last two weeks (California & Vegas!) and I managed to put them back on plus another 3lbs. So that is a total of a 7lb gain since I was sick!

I am feeling very discouraged and overwhelmed about the gain. I just can help feeling like I am on that familiar path of my life before lap band...ultimately like I am failing at this like I have failed at every "diet" before. Although I know this is not a diet and that I have more help from my band than I did on my own (even though I am not feeling it right now) - it still feels like failure. Also, my weight loss had really stalled before then...the 7lbs that I gained had taken me 5 months to lose! I know I need a fill but I don't have an appointment till May 19th. I know I could move that appointment up but part of me doesn't even want to go back to the doctor with this gain. I really don't want to be as tight as I was before but I definitely need more help than what I have right now. So I started thinking that a strict diet between now and then will at least get me back to where I was and exercise would help too. I cant seem to get motivated on the exercise front, I am so out of shape it is unreal to me the simple things that make me sore. And the crazy part of that is, I weigh less now than when I was working out all the time (2 years ago).

So....I need your help! I need to hear from those of you who have gained and didn't give up; from those who are still struggling now; those who have made it to their goal and are able to maintain; anyone and everyone! Tell me how you did it and are still doing it! I know this gain is a short term thing but I really need your help not to stay in this overwhelmed/discouraged place!!