Hello Again

You were probably thinking I dropped off the face of the earth. But no, alas I am still here. I have been lurking, reading, keeping up with everyone's progress - but just not posting or commenting. Part of the reason was that I forgot my login password. I know, pretty weak excuse since I can just click on password help and get back in (like I just did now), but I just didn't. I hope to be more regular with posting even if it brief, just to keep up with things.

I just got back from a 5 day cruise with my family. We went to Cozumel last week and were actually on the ship for Thanksgiving. It was a nice trip. My three kids and their significant others went, along with my parents and my hubby. 10 of us in all. It was great spending time with them, but by the end of the 5 days I was ready to be home and have a little less "family time". We did have some difficult moments trying to make 10 people happy all at the same time, but for the most part it was lots of fun. :) It was really great being on the cruise and being able to eat what I wanted and not have to worry too much - cause I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much of it. I did go to the gym 2 days on the ship but, I did manage to gain 3 lbs, but I think that will come off soon. I did wear a swimsuit and tank tops (sleeveless is a big deal for me cause I don't like the looks of my arms!) and actually felt pretty comfortable. I will try to post some pictures later today.

As for a banding update, I had another fill on October 30th (fill #3), which I believe was about .5cc. So, I think that puts me at 4 cc total - but I am not real sure. Of course, the weight loss is still really slow, so I am focusing on the % of excess weight lost more than the pounds each week. I just hit 40% on the day I left for my cruise - so technically I need to get these 3 lbs back off to be at 40%, but I am happy about where I am at so far. I still have a fair amount of restriction and have days where is seems like everything is difficult to get down. So, I don't think I need another fill just yet. My next appointment with the Dr is Dec 30th, so the restriction that I do have will have to last me through Christmas. Which is good because I don't want to be miserable through the holidays.

I wouldn't say that I have noticed a huge difference in the way that I look, but thankfully my clothes are fitting differently. I have started shopping in the back of my closet (clothes that have been too small for a while but I wouldn't get rid of). Some of my favorite jeans are now fitting nicely (size 10). The smallest size I have in my closet is a pair of size 8 pants - which I never actually wore. They fit when I bought them and then I started gaining weight and I never got to wear them. I would love to fit into them again. I cant say that I am in love with them any more, but I would love to know that I could wear them if I wanted to! Maybe by the first of the year. I really need to clean out my closet again. So, there may be things that I could pass along if anyone is interested. They will probably be size 14's and some 12's? I will check it out in the next few days and post some pictures. I did buy a new pair of jeans recently at a store I have never shopped in - not for myself anyway. My daughter (21) shops at Buckle, and she always has the cutest jeans. I thought I would splurge, jeans are not cheap there! I went in and was a little nervous cause I thought they wouldn't have jeans in my size or I would feel like I was trying to dress too young....but the girl that helped us was actually very nice, and pulled lots of things for me to try on. It was really a great experience. There were people of all ages in there and I was not at the high end of the size range for the store. I was so excited with my pair of jeans that I bought!! I bought a size 31 - which I have no idea what that means in regular sizes (like 8,10, 12, etc) but I do know they are only one size bigger than my daughter's and I consider her to be skinny! So overall - very happy with that.

I should go now, since I have been rambling for a while :)

2nd Fill

I got another fill today - technically my second. It was only .3cc (the same amount I had taken out last time). Hopefully this is just enough fill to make me start losing and not so much that it makes me miserable again. I have been very frustrated with the weight loss - or actually lack of it. My doctor tells me to be patient and look at the big picture, that this is a 1 - 2 year process. Even if I only lose 3 lbs a month I will still get to where I need to be. I understand this math but it doesnt really make it any easier to accept. I do like my doctor and I feel better after going to see him. Honestly I was starting to think that this band really wasnt going to work for me. I am 3 months out and have lost 17lbs. Which in the big picture I think is still .8 lbs/week which is really not that bad - especially since I didnt have that much to lose overall. I feel better that my doctor is willing to keep trying things to make the weight loss happen. He also said that if I come back in 6 weeks and my loss is only 3 lbs again (which is what it was this time and it has been 8 weeks) - then he will look into putting me on Phentermine for a little while to speed up my metabolism. He said I may just have a slow metabolism and it is going to take a while for me to get the weight off - but not to give up. I am doing all the right things. Eating right, tracking my calories and protein and am staying with my limits. Exercising - now up to 30 minutes 4 times a week. Daily water intake - at least 64oz. Chewing, small bits, eating slowing - doing all those things and still not losing. But I will keep truding along and even though it is slow it will happen...someone may need to remind me of that in two weeks when I am doubting all this again.

2 days in a row!

Ok, so it's only been two days but I think I may be on a roll! I have been to the gym 2 days in a row now - actually I went twice on the first day, and I think I may be starting to get back in the swing of things. We just joined the gym across the street and I am hoping that the convenience of having it so close will be a good motivator. That and I am going on a cruise with the whole family in 11 weeks. So now is a good time to kick things into high gear. Of course, now that I am doing better with exercise I am eating better too and am starting to rethink the fill I have scheduled for Tuesday. I think I will see how the rest of the week goes and then make a decision on Friday. If I start losing weight I think I may hold off on the fill for a couple weeks. I just don't want to be too tight again - but who know, it could all change again by Friday.

Hey, where did my band go?

So, I totally threw in the towel this weekend. I have been frustrated that I have been doing things right and the scale is not moving so I totally gave up yesterday! I ate everything I could find. I had ice cream 3 different times - just yesterday!! Not to mention all the other stuff that I managed to put away. And the whole time I kept thinking - "ooh, this is not going to go down", or "this is going to make me really full and I am going to be miserable". But NO! None of that happened. It was like I didnt even have a band - like a typical food fest that I used to have before being banded. I am still shocked at how much I was able to eat all day long. I was looking back at the calendar - and since my first fill on July 13th I have not lost a single pound!!!! Ok so I have gone up and down 3 pounds but from my weight that day to my weight today - it is exactly the same. I am so frustrated. I guess I just need a fill? I am not sure how anyone can refer to lapband as the "easy" way out. I have not found this to be easy at all. And frankly I am a little disappointed at how hard it really is. I myself must have been naive about the ease at which this would happen - because it is WAY harder than what I imagined it would be. There has to balance out there somewhere - and as Cara mentioned many others seemed to have found it - I just wish it wasn't so elusive for me!!

On a different note, I spent most of the weekend working on my grand daughter's first birthday invitations and pictures. I have to share a couple of the pictures with you because she is the cutest thing ever! These pictures dont really show how cute her tutu is that I made but it is adorable - if I do say so myself. : )

Feeling yucky

I think everyone around here is sick! I have been fighting off this cold all week long, but I think I have lost the fight. My head is stuffy and my nose is runny and I just feel really tired and run down. Somehow I still managed to eat a serving and a half of homemade Lasagna for dinner. Man was it good! I don't think I have seconds of anything since I had surgery but this was really good and it went down easy - so I did indulge. I still seem to be stuck at the same weight. I don't think I am ready for another fill but it seems like nothing is happening. I wouldn't say I am hungry all the time or anything so maybe I just need to make better choices and of course start exercising again - which doesn't even sound reasonable when I don't feel good. I am not going to stress about it just yet - just gonna keep doin' what I'm doin'.

Hiding out

So I have kinda been hiding out lately - sorta lurking. Reading other blogs but not posting anything. I have been having a really difficult time. Too much restriction, then had an unfill - but still struggling. I am just really having a hard time figuring out how to eat again. I wasn't prepared for this. I thought I had weeks until I had so much restriction that things would be difficult. Well, not the case for me. So I haven't lost weight, and had actually gained a few pounds and in general had nothing to say - except this sucks and why is this so hard - which is not something I really wanted to blog about. But, I think things are getting better. I don't want to be someone who posts only when things are going well (even though that is SO much easier), so I think I need to remind myself that I am posting for myself. And even if I am rambling or whining and complaining - I may need these posts to look back on and remember how things were when it was really hard - because I am sure it will be again. Its easy to get caught up in thinking "what will people think when they read this" and not really blog about what I am thinking or feeling - which is the whole reason I started blogging to begin with...as well as to be in a community with others that are going through the same process. I do like reading others comments and they do help me a lot - I just don't want it to be the reason that I blog. And I learn a lot from other people's blogs too - so I want to take the best parts of the blog community and not get caught up in what others think (like I do in so many areas of my life). So, with all that said, I am moving on to blogging again. And I have to say, that even though I know this whole banding thing is a long process - it is not easy! And it is hard for me to deal with gaining weight, especially when I have spent this much money (cash pay!) to be able to lose the weight and keep it off. But I have to remind myself to keep an eye on the big picture - I have lost weight overall and it has been a long time since I have lost this much in 2 1/2 months - so I will try to be thankful and remind myself to not get so caught up in the numbers and just learn how to eat again. :)

UnFill

I went yesterday morning to have some fill taken out. My doctor only took out .3cc, but it has made a difference. I can actually eat more than three bites with out discomfort now. It is so much better! He told me to come back in 4-6 weeks, but I am not sure I will need to by then...but we shall see. Still seems like I have restriction, and I don't get that hungry, so I should be able to eat better now that I can have more solid food again. I have had chicken today and fish and it all went down fine....even had a 1/4 of a toasted bagel and although it was slow going - it went down with out too much problem. Yay!