Christmas pictures

Just uploading some pictures to be printed so I thought I would share one.

This is my daughter, my grandaughter and me. We had so much fun this Christmas!

(My daughter and I didnt plan on matching it just turned out that way. )

No appointment tomorrow.

I had a fill appointment scheduled for tomorrow, but the dr.'s office called today to reschedule. So now, I don't go in till January 26th. I am not sure I really need a fill and I will be traveling quite a bit in January so it may be good that I wont be getting a fill till then.

I had a great Christmas. Had a great time with the family and did some shopping the day after Christmas. I got a great deal on decorations...75% off!

On the eating front, I have done pretty well and I have managed to see the scale go down a smidgen. The hard part for me in the holidays has typically been after Christmas till the end of January. I usually gain during that time. So I am hoping this year will be different. It would really be nice to be down a couple more pounds by the time I go back to the doctor.

Hot Stone Massage

I had a Hot Stone Massage this weekend and I just have to WOW! This was the best thing ever. So relaxing and warm - definitely pampering too. I cant wait to have this again. If you have not suggested it, I would highly recommend it. It was a great treat!

Finished up my shopping this weekend, and did a little baking with my daughter. I only ate two of the candies we made so that is a miracle within itself. I am sure I will eat more over then next week or so. But that's ok, it is the holidays and I am not too terribly worried about it. Mainly because I dont have the interest in "food fest" eating like I did before the band. One or two treats is plently and I feel satisfied, and guilt free - which for me is a big deal because in the past that guilt would eventually lead to more eating and a vicious cycle. I am thankful that will not be part of my holidays this year!!

Have a great day!
Natalia

NSV - shopping

I stopped by Victoria's secret the other day to pick up a new bra and decide to try some of their panties. I havent worn ones from their in YEARS! I started looking at different options and came across these. I love the way they look but wasnt sure about the size. I ended up buying a Medium. A MEDIUM!!! I dont even remember the last time I wore a medium in anything, much less panties. They fit absolutely perfect and they are definitely my new favorites. (Not sure if I did the link correctly - but they are called Angel's by Victoria's Secret - Super Soft Hiphugger).

Cant Sleep!!!

The last three nights I have not slept much. I have gone to bed around 11pm then I wake up around 4am and cant go back to sleep. I lay there and toss around and just get frustrated so I end up getting up. You would think I would be super exhausted and really sleep well the next night but so far that hasn't happened. I am not super stressed about anything and have had any major life changes lately. I don't really think this could be band related - could it???? But I am not sure what is going on. I just want to sleep through the night!! Anyone else have problems with interrupted sleep?

Random Thoughts

So, I haven't had a fill since Sept 8th. And that was only .3cc. I definitely don’t feel like I need a fill. I actually still have quite a bit of restriction and do not get hungry very often. However, I am still not losing weight - or least not any significant amount of weight. In the last month I have not really lost anything (-.4)!! I did manage to take off the 3 lbs I gained on the cruise, but no other loss on top of that. I am still taking the phentermine. I just went up to a full pill today, so hopefully that will get things started. I have had 2 chicken strips from sonic kids meal and 2 cups of coffee with protein so far today (its 4:30 pm now) and I am not hungry. I know I need to drink more water and be more active. I am sure that would help things too. I am going to look into getting personal training at the Y with my Christmas bonus. Maybe that will at least get me back into the exercise routine. Even if that doesn't make the weight loss start I know it will be good for me.

I cleaned out my closet the other day. Turns out everything I have to pass along is summer clothes. So I think I will wait till it gets a little warmer to post those items on here.


I haven't posted any pictures of myself really. Not sure why. But this one with my hubby is from the cruise and I actually like it!

We put our Christmas tree up over the weekend. I really scaled back on the decorations this year, and I kinda like it! Seems more simple but yet still very festive. Now I just need to get my Christmas shopping done. I really haven't even started - except for a few items for my grand daughter.

Ok, enough random-ness from me today. Ciao!

Bandster Quiz

Ok, so I am a little behind...but I thought I would take the Quiz that has been passed around lately. : )

1. How long have you been banded? 6 months (today).
2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date?
233 (highest ever) 200 (right before surgery)/176/24
3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? Unjury Vanilla Protein powder - I add it to my coffee every morning - 2 cups coffee = 20g protein!
4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? I don't really drink shakes. I do like the Unjury Vanilla and Chicken Soup flavors.
5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band? Buns. I do manage to eat a 1/2 a bagel every now and then.
6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? Not really a mushy - but I love Creamy Chicken Soup at Hand. I have it whenever things are going down so well and I want something warm and creamy.
7. What was your worst PB experience? I haven't had one yet. I have come really close a couple times, but thankfully nothing has ever come back up.
8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? Being patient with my EXTREMELY slow weight loss, and finding other ways to measure my success.
9. What is your best NSV to date? Being able to wear some of the smaller clothes from the back of my closet that haven't been out in a long time.
10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band? (top NSV maybe?) Being willing to go to an event and NOT cancelling because I have "nothing to wear" or just feel horrible about the way I look - which has happened way too many times in the past.
11. What is your goal weight or size? Goal weight = 140, but maintain between 140-145.
12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? Not drinking with meals.
13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? Regular exercise. Haven't been able to get a good routine and stick to it.
14. What is your goal "reward"? Tummy tuck for sure! I have wanted one for a long time. I even got the low profile port in hopes that a tummy tuck would follow once I have reached maintenance stage.
15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? I am thankful that I don't have the desire to have a "food-fest" like I used to. No more eating constantly and mindlessly.

I am not sure who started this quiz - but thanks for making me take a look back at some of the things that have changed and also look forward to what is to come!

Hello Again

You were probably thinking I dropped off the face of the earth. But no, alas I am still here. I have been lurking, reading, keeping up with everyone's progress - but just not posting or commenting. Part of the reason was that I forgot my login password. I know, pretty weak excuse since I can just click on password help and get back in (like I just did now), but I just didn't. I hope to be more regular with posting even if it brief, just to keep up with things.

I just got back from a 5 day cruise with my family. We went to Cozumel last week and were actually on the ship for Thanksgiving. It was a nice trip. My three kids and their significant others went, along with my parents and my hubby. 10 of us in all. It was great spending time with them, but by the end of the 5 days I was ready to be home and have a little less "family time". We did have some difficult moments trying to make 10 people happy all at the same time, but for the most part it was lots of fun. :) It was really great being on the cruise and being able to eat what I wanted and not have to worry too much - cause I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much of it. I did go to the gym 2 days on the ship but, I did manage to gain 3 lbs, but I think that will come off soon. I did wear a swimsuit and tank tops (sleeveless is a big deal for me cause I don't like the looks of my arms!) and actually felt pretty comfortable. I will try to post some pictures later today.

As for a banding update, I had another fill on October 30th (fill #3), which I believe was about .5cc. So, I think that puts me at 4 cc total - but I am not real sure. Of course, the weight loss is still really slow, so I am focusing on the % of excess weight lost more than the pounds each week. I just hit 40% on the day I left for my cruise - so technically I need to get these 3 lbs back off to be at 40%, but I am happy about where I am at so far. I still have a fair amount of restriction and have days where is seems like everything is difficult to get down. So, I don't think I need another fill just yet. My next appointment with the Dr is Dec 30th, so the restriction that I do have will have to last me through Christmas. Which is good because I don't want to be miserable through the holidays.

I wouldn't say that I have noticed a huge difference in the way that I look, but thankfully my clothes are fitting differently. I have started shopping in the back of my closet (clothes that have been too small for a while but I wouldn't get rid of). Some of my favorite jeans are now fitting nicely (size 10). The smallest size I have in my closet is a pair of size 8 pants - which I never actually wore. They fit when I bought them and then I started gaining weight and I never got to wear them. I would love to fit into them again. I cant say that I am in love with them any more, but I would love to know that I could wear them if I wanted to! Maybe by the first of the year. I really need to clean out my closet again. So, there may be things that I could pass along if anyone is interested. They will probably be size 14's and some 12's? I will check it out in the next few days and post some pictures. I did buy a new pair of jeans recently at a store I have never shopped in - not for myself anyway. My daughter (21) shops at Buckle, and she always has the cutest jeans. I thought I would splurge, jeans are not cheap there! I went in and was a little nervous cause I thought they wouldn't have jeans in my size or I would feel like I was trying to dress too young....but the girl that helped us was actually very nice, and pulled lots of things for me to try on. It was really a great experience. There were people of all ages in there and I was not at the high end of the size range for the store. I was so excited with my pair of jeans that I bought!! I bought a size 31 - which I have no idea what that means in regular sizes (like 8,10, 12, etc) but I do know they are only one size bigger than my daughter's and I consider her to be skinny! So overall - very happy with that.

I should go now, since I have been rambling for a while :)

2nd Fill

I got another fill today - technically my second. It was only .3cc (the same amount I had taken out last time). Hopefully this is just enough fill to make me start losing and not so much that it makes me miserable again. I have been very frustrated with the weight loss - or actually lack of it. My doctor tells me to be patient and look at the big picture, that this is a 1 - 2 year process. Even if I only lose 3 lbs a month I will still get to where I need to be. I understand this math but it doesnt really make it any easier to accept. I do like my doctor and I feel better after going to see him. Honestly I was starting to think that this band really wasnt going to work for me. I am 3 months out and have lost 17lbs. Which in the big picture I think is still .8 lbs/week which is really not that bad - especially since I didnt have that much to lose overall. I feel better that my doctor is willing to keep trying things to make the weight loss happen. He also said that if I come back in 6 weeks and my loss is only 3 lbs again (which is what it was this time and it has been 8 weeks) - then he will look into putting me on Phentermine for a little while to speed up my metabolism. He said I may just have a slow metabolism and it is going to take a while for me to get the weight off - but not to give up. I am doing all the right things. Eating right, tracking my calories and protein and am staying with my limits. Exercising - now up to 30 minutes 4 times a week. Daily water intake - at least 64oz. Chewing, small bits, eating slowing - doing all those things and still not losing. But I will keep truding along and even though it is slow it will happen...someone may need to remind me of that in two weeks when I am doubting all this again.

2 days in a row!

Ok, so it's only been two days but I think I may be on a roll! I have been to the gym 2 days in a row now - actually I went twice on the first day, and I think I may be starting to get back in the swing of things. We just joined the gym across the street and I am hoping that the convenience of having it so close will be a good motivator. That and I am going on a cruise with the whole family in 11 weeks. So now is a good time to kick things into high gear. Of course, now that I am doing better with exercise I am eating better too and am starting to rethink the fill I have scheduled for Tuesday. I think I will see how the rest of the week goes and then make a decision on Friday. If I start losing weight I think I may hold off on the fill for a couple weeks. I just don't want to be too tight again - but who know, it could all change again by Friday.

Hey, where did my band go?

So, I totally threw in the towel this weekend. I have been frustrated that I have been doing things right and the scale is not moving so I totally gave up yesterday! I ate everything I could find. I had ice cream 3 different times - just yesterday!! Not to mention all the other stuff that I managed to put away. And the whole time I kept thinking - "ooh, this is not going to go down", or "this is going to make me really full and I am going to be miserable". But NO! None of that happened. It was like I didnt even have a band - like a typical food fest that I used to have before being banded. I am still shocked at how much I was able to eat all day long. I was looking back at the calendar - and since my first fill on July 13th I have not lost a single pound!!!! Ok so I have gone up and down 3 pounds but from my weight that day to my weight today - it is exactly the same. I am so frustrated. I guess I just need a fill? I am not sure how anyone can refer to lapband as the "easy" way out. I have not found this to be easy at all. And frankly I am a little disappointed at how hard it really is. I myself must have been naive about the ease at which this would happen - because it is WAY harder than what I imagined it would be. There has to balance out there somewhere - and as Cara mentioned many others seemed to have found it - I just wish it wasn't so elusive for me!!

On a different note, I spent most of the weekend working on my grand daughter's first birthday invitations and pictures. I have to share a couple of the pictures with you because she is the cutest thing ever! These pictures dont really show how cute her tutu is that I made but it is adorable - if I do say so myself. : )

Feeling yucky

I think everyone around here is sick! I have been fighting off this cold all week long, but I think I have lost the fight. My head is stuffy and my nose is runny and I just feel really tired and run down. Somehow I still managed to eat a serving and a half of homemade Lasagna for dinner. Man was it good! I don't think I have seconds of anything since I had surgery but this was really good and it went down easy - so I did indulge. I still seem to be stuck at the same weight. I don't think I am ready for another fill but it seems like nothing is happening. I wouldn't say I am hungry all the time or anything so maybe I just need to make better choices and of course start exercising again - which doesn't even sound reasonable when I don't feel good. I am not going to stress about it just yet - just gonna keep doin' what I'm doin'.

Hiding out

So I have kinda been hiding out lately - sorta lurking. Reading other blogs but not posting anything. I have been having a really difficult time. Too much restriction, then had an unfill - but still struggling. I am just really having a hard time figuring out how to eat again. I wasn't prepared for this. I thought I had weeks until I had so much restriction that things would be difficult. Well, not the case for me. So I haven't lost weight, and had actually gained a few pounds and in general had nothing to say - except this sucks and why is this so hard - which is not something I really wanted to blog about. But, I think things are getting better. I don't want to be someone who posts only when things are going well (even though that is SO much easier), so I think I need to remind myself that I am posting for myself. And even if I am rambling or whining and complaining - I may need these posts to look back on and remember how things were when it was really hard - because I am sure it will be again. Its easy to get caught up in thinking "what will people think when they read this" and not really blog about what I am thinking or feeling - which is the whole reason I started blogging to begin with...as well as to be in a community with others that are going through the same process. I do like reading others comments and they do help me a lot - I just don't want it to be the reason that I blog. And I learn a lot from other people's blogs too - so I want to take the best parts of the blog community and not get caught up in what others think (like I do in so many areas of my life). So, with all that said, I am moving on to blogging again. And I have to say, that even though I know this whole banding thing is a long process - it is not easy! And it is hard for me to deal with gaining weight, especially when I have spent this much money (cash pay!) to be able to lose the weight and keep it off. But I have to remind myself to keep an eye on the big picture - I have lost weight overall and it has been a long time since I have lost this much in 2 1/2 months - so I will try to be thankful and remind myself to not get so caught up in the numbers and just learn how to eat again. :)

UnFill

I went yesterday morning to have some fill taken out. My doctor only took out .3cc, but it has made a difference. I can actually eat more than three bites with out discomfort now. It is so much better! He told me to come back in 4-6 weeks, but I am not sure I will need to by then...but we shall see. Still seems like I have restriction, and I don't get that hungry, so I should be able to eat better now that I can have more solid food again. I have had chicken today and fish and it all went down fine....even had a 1/4 of a toasted bagel and although it was slow going - it went down with out too much problem. Yay!

Call me crazy!!

Ok, I don't believe I am about to say this....but I am considering having some fill taken out. And before you ask, yes I have only had 1 fill. But ever since I got my fill last Monday I have had a real hard time eating. I did the whole day of clear liquids, whole day of full liquids, and then tried mushies. I have not really been able to move past that, I have added in some other more solid food but I still am having trouble. I have started cutting my food up into the tiniest bites (barely will stay on a fork) and still it feels like two or three bites in I have a tightness in my chest. Sometimes I have to get up and walk around and sometimes I have to just stop eating after only 3 or 4 bites. Sometimes I feel that tightness just from drinking - which seems crazy! I just don't think I should have this much restriction yet, and from what I have read this is what people feel like when they have too much fill. I am pretty sure I have lost weight this week, but I have been so uncomfortable and I am getting to the point that I don't even want to eat. I try to stick to just what I can drink. Here's another weird part. I cant really eat chunky soups. Because the liquid and the solid just don't go down together - even with lots of chewing. I don't want to be limited in what I can eat so much that I only eat the bad stuff - because it goes down easy (like shakes & ice cream!). I think I am going to give it the rest of the week to see if gets better, if not, I am going to see if I can get in to the doctor early next week. Just seems like such a shame to me that I have to have fill taken out after the first one and some people have to have 5 or 6 fills before they really feel anything. I guess that is what I was counting on and I wasn't really ready for this "cant eat anything stage"...especially after the post op diet. Plus, I am a little nervous that if I have some taken out it will be a long time before I have restriction again. (Which is pretty crazy thinking I guess since I feel so much restriction after 1 fill). I was so looking forward to having chicken again. I ate it for my meal test before my fill and really haven't been able to have it since then. I have tried a couple times but even though I chew like crazy it is just uncomfortable. I haven't tried putting lots of sauces on it to get it to go down easier because there are so many things that seem like they just don't go down easy. Ugh. Feeling a bit discouraged :(

Spinning

I think I am going to like Spinning. I went to my first class today, and while the instructor has us take it easy (my daughter went with me), it still was sufficiently difficult. I want to go back soon so I can really get in the habit of going and so my butt will get used to it! That part was quite painful.

Questions??

Ok, I am experiencing a couple things and wondering if anyone else has had these issues....I just got a fill yesterday and had clear liquids yesterday and full liquids today and I am actually nervous to eat mushies tomorrow. I feel like things are going down SO differently! I have never heard of anyone having alot of restriction after one fill or feeling like things are going down so slow....I had to actually drink coffee slowly because it felt like it was bubbling on the way down and had to take a few deep breaths along the way...what is up with that? I cant imagine how anything with thickness or substance is going to be able to go down. Anyone else experience this?

The other thing is, I can feel my port! Yikes, I actually had my daughter and my husband feel on my stomach today and they could totally feel it too. Is that normal? Should I be able to feel it by pressing slightly on my stomach? Oh and by the way, I have the low profile port!!! It was actually feeling a little tender which is what made me start feeling around on my stomach to begin with and that's when I felt it. WEIRD! Anyone else out there that can feel their port?

1st Fill

I cant believe it has been a whole week since I blogged...guess I just didn't have much to say. :o) I went for my first fill today. I was really just expecting my 6 week check up and that I would have to come back for a fill, but he did it today. I was a little distracted when he was telling me how much he was putting in and what the total volume so far would be (because I didn't mentally prepare for a fill!!)...but I think he said this would make a total of 4cc so far in my 10cc band. I barely even felt it at all. I was really surprise how quick and painless it was. I manged to lose a couple pounds in the past 4 weeks since I had been there and he seemed to think that was good since I hadn't had my first fill yet. And he reminded me that I should not be in a hurry to lose the weight. That if I was trying to lose 10 lbs in a month that I would have a lot of problems. That I would have to be so "tight" that it would cause me issue with what I would be able to eat. He said I should shoot for 3-5 lbs a month and I should be able to eat just about anything - just much smaller quantities. I am ok with that...of course I would like for it to be closer to the 5 than the 3 but really as long I don't have a bunch of issues I will try to be ok with however the weight comes off. I couldn't help feeling energized when I left there. Like now is when it really begins and I am ready! Ok, so I am not thrilled about the clear liquids today and full liquids tomorrow...but I can deal with 2 days. Oh and the nutritionist came in and talked to me for quite a while...she even told me to feel free to have a margarita today since I am on liquids for the day. I like her alot!! I am also going to join the gym today...right across the street from my subdivision. I have had a membership at the YMCA for some time but really got out of the habit of going and now it seems like it too far away and inconvenient. I am hoping that having access to the gym right across the street will really motivate me to get involved in some of the classes - like spinning...and start weight training again.

Terrible Eating

I ate horribly this whole weekend....especially yesterday. I had snack after snack after snack. It all went down hill after breakfast. It seemed as though I could not find what it was that I wanted to eat so I kept eating everything. And of course the scale is up this morning! Seems I am back to my old ways of eating. I have got to do better with planning meals so I dont just eat constantly. Of course when I get like this it is not really like I am wanting cottage cheese, or fruit, or anything healthy...I want the bad stuff!!!

Wii Bowling Workout?

Last night my daughter and I were playing Wii Bowling. Actually we played a couple rounds of Wii Tennis first and got bored with that and moved on to Bowling. During our second game she starts jumping around and says we should be more active while we are playing this. So then we start doing exercises...like jumping jacks, running in place, push ups, lunges, squats, etc...while the other person was bowling. It was really fun and really quite a workout! We are both sore today pretty much all over our bodies. It was so much easier than just trying to do one exercise after another. Plus you are waiting on the other person to finish bowling so you have to keep going the whole time. If you have a Wii and you want to make it more active than just standing in one spot to play the game, start moving around and doing some exercises...it will definitely be a workout and you might even be sore the next day!

4 Weeks Post-op

I am officially 4 weeks out and have managed to sqeek out another .8 lb loss this week. I still have two more weeks to go before I can have a fill and I am already feeling like it is going to be a long 2 weeks. My eating seems like it is all over the place...mostly just feels like I am snacking all the time. I can now start having ground meat so hopefully that will add some variety to the food and I can be better about real meals and less snacking (and less pizza!)

I love my cup!

A couple of weeks ago my daughter and I went to a pottery painting place. We both painted a coffee cup...it was so much fun! I just got my cup back this weekend and I love it!! Now I want to go back and paint a bunch more stuff.

Oh, and today we started our running program. It was quite warm outside but we managed to make it through. We are doing the couch to 5k program...except I altered it a little to stretch it out longer than 9 weeks...and to take it a little slower to start off. So maybe we will actually keep with it and it wont be too hard.

Yummy!

I tried the salmon and eggs that I have seen on Cara's blog. It makes me hungry every time I see it so I thought I would try it and I was definitely not disappointed. YUMMY! Here is what mine looked like. Now if I only knew what a Weetbix was I might try that too! ; )

Yay! The scale didnt go up.

I was kinda nervous getting on the scale this morning...but I was happy to see that it didn't go up...but actually down 1.2 lbs. YAY!! It's not a huge amount but I will take it. Any loss is a good loss to me. Now I really need to work on being more consistent with my exercise. I have not been keeping up with that too well. But, we are supposed to start a running program this Sunday. We being myself, my husband, my 16 yr old son, my 22 yr old son & his girlfriend, my 20 yr old daughter and her boyfriend - and of course my 9 month old granddaughter will be there in her stroller - so the WHOLE family. It will be great that we are all doing it together! It is so much more enjoyable when you have others to exercise with and you know that they are counting on you to be there. Hopefully we can all stick with it and then maybe even run in an organized run like a 5k in a few months.

Man,that was difficult!!

Changing my blog is no easy task! I am very blog challenged and it seems like every little change I make there are 1o others that I need to make because of it. Even just changing the background would make components disappear, then I have to go back and add them back in. Now somehow I have lost my weightloss ticker. I mean I know where to find it, but I cant remember my password to get in and copy the code so now I have to go back and create another one...unless by some miracle the password comes back to me. So, this is the way it is going to stay for a while. No more changes, I think.

On a totally separate note. I ate pizza today! I didn't really set out to have that for lunch. I was going to have soup but they were out of the kind I wanted and so I decided I would just have pizza instead. It took me forever, chewing and chewing - but it didnt get stuck. I know, not the best choice but it is what it is. I cant believe it...I have actually made it all week without getting on the scale. I almost don't want to get on tomorrow just in case it is not good. I know I won't be able to stand it and I will end up getting on. I just hope I haven't gained. That would really be a bummer! Fingers crossed!!

Ordered my first kids's meal

I had a kids meal at a mexican food place today. I had my granddaughter with me so they didnt question the fact that I was ordering a kid's meal (even though she is only 9 months old). It was the perfect amount. Actually I didnt eat it all but it sure was good. Cheese puff, rice and refried beans...ok I didnt say it was good for you but it sure tasted good - and it was all mushies. I went to a baby shower after that and didnt eat cake! That is huge for me. I love cake!! Especially that type of cake - with buttercream icing. I did have one piece of candy - but that's it. So over all not too bad. Went to Olive Garden for dinner - we were on the run alot today :) I had the Tuscana soup and I ordered Manicotti - but I only ate 3 bites. I am liking that I can still eat the good stuff, and actually want a lot less of it. Ok, so I could make better choices and usually I do but for eating out twice today and going to a shower I think that I did pretty well. I am going to my parent's house tomorrow for Father's day. They still dont know I had surgery. I am going to tell them eventually just not quite yet. We are bringing lunch for the whole crowd. I figured that way I can control what we are eating and no one will be asking questions. I want to be totally healed, eating solid food and losing weight before I tell them. As a side note, I am thinking I have some amount of fill in my band. I know some surgeons put the band in empty and some put them in with a small amount of fill. I dont really recall which my surgeron does, but I really feel like I have some restriction. Could I be imagining that? I mean I know that there is still some swelling and that could be contributing to what I am feeling...but there are some things that I eat and it feels like they wont go down. I havent had the feeling like I just cant take one more bite so maybe it is not actually restriction yet. But anyway, I am eating less and I guess that is the whole point.

Back on the Mill

I got back on the treadmill today. I felt really bad that my doctor was chewing on me for not exercising! Not so bad that I got on the treadmill the moment I got home from my Dr visit - or even the next day - but enough to make me get off my butt and do it anyway. It actually felt pretty good getting on the mill again. Burned 400 calories, woo hoo! I am not one to "take it easy" on exercise so I really wanted to make sure I felt pretty good before I just jumped back on. It was actually even a little challenging which is good. I didn't really push it today - being my first day back to exercise but I will say I liked burning the calories! I just want to see some payoff for my efforts. One of the reasons I got the lap band was because I was working out way too hard to not be losing weight. So, I am hoping that now that I have this wonderful tool (I have not given my lapband a name - I guess I will have to come up with something really fabulous like some of the others have - maybe I should call it Renee since I wanted to name a child Renee since I was in high school but my husband didn't like the name so I never got to use it)...anyway I digress - hopefully this tool will make the number on the scale start going down. I know what you're thinking..aren't you supposed to be staying off the scale? Why yes, yes I am. I did get on this morning but only for my weekly weigh in so I could post it on my tracking spreadsheet - I am a little over zealous in that area. But I am not going to get back on until next Wednesday. Hopefully I can keep up the exercise habit. I would really like to get back to running, but I still have a long way to go before I can feel ready to tackle that.

2 week post op visit w/Dr.

I just got back from my 2 week post op visit with the Dr. I have lost 9 lbs so far - according to his scale. Which I guess is not too bad. He told me I really shouldn't be concerned with weight loss for the next 4 weeks, and that I shouldn't even get on the scale. Yeah, right! Doesn't he know I currently get on the scale at least 3 times a day - every day?! Ok, so that is not a great thing to do and I am really going to try to stay off them - only weighing once a week. I think that is a good compromise. He said that I shouldn't even be concerned if a I gain slightly over the next 4 weeks. Yikes, I really don't want to do that! That seems so counter productive. I know I may not be able to help it, but man I sure hope that doesn't happen. Dr also told me I had progressed too much with my food choices. My hubby was there and kinda outed me on a couple things!! I know he is just looking out for me, so I am not going to harass him to badly. The Dr. said I need to go back to NO meat - no matter how small the pieces - except for baked fish. Everything should be soft mushy consistency - fruits and vegetables, eggs and soft, well moistened cereals, baked fish, scrambled eggs... (anything that will squish through a fork) for 4 more weeks. He showed me a clump of chicken that he actually had to remove from a patient who had taken 2 really small bites and chewed it really well - and it got stuck. Ok, ok that was pretty convincing. Also, I didn't realize that I was supposed to be walking for 30 minutes every day. He really got on to me about that! He said that if I have a treadmill that I need to be walking at 3-4mph for 30 minutes EVERY day. Ok, my bad! I will get right on that. I really want to be successful and a good patient! I have to do a measured meal test before my first fill. He said if I didn't do it he would not do a fill. He really uses that to gage where you are at with your eating and how much fill you can handle. I will be glad when I get to that stage. I think it will feel more like a regular meal and maybe easier to control. On this soft liquid phase I feel like I am eating all the time and eating way too much. Overall, a good visit with the doctor and I definitely have some things to work on.

Uh Oh!

I have figured out that I can eat way more than I should. I have moved on to soft food and want lots of texture and flavor. I really want to chew. All those liquids really left me feeling like I wanted more. Not necessarily more to eat but just wanted to chew and wanted flavor. I tried a frozen dinner yesterday...not a good idea. It had small pieces of chicken, noodles and vegetables. The noodles were not working. I had two bites and felt like it was having a hard time going down so I abandoned that and made a protein shake. I feel like I have to find two ways to eat. One to get enough protein and one to get enough flavor and chewing...which really means I am probably eating too much. I haven't gained any weight but I don't really think it is coming off like it would be if I were just able to each one type of meal and be satisfied. Maybe that will come more when I am able to eat more variety of food and really concentrate on eating smaller portions. I am not going to stress about it too much just yet. I have my post-op follow-up with the doctor on Monday so I am curious to see what he as to say.

Weekend's over

I cant believe how quickly this weekend went by. Once I started feeling better it seemed like time just started flying by. I spent some time with my granddaugther this weekend which is always so much fun. She is a bundle of joy!! Here is a picture of her and I.

Back to work tomorrow...back to the real world...life as usual. I have been so hungry today and I am wanting something other than juice, broth and jello!! I have a confession, I actually licked some crackers today. What a weirdo, right? I was so desperate for flavor that I got one of the 100 calorie pack of crackers and licked all the flavor off them and spit them out. I guess that is better than eating them, but still kinda weird. I am really looking forward to having some thicker liquids - actually had a drinkable yogurt today - a couple days early. OMG was it good! Pina Colada flavor, yummy. Bring on the variety. Amazing what a difference a couple days make.

Whew, I think I am gonna make it!

I am feeling better this evening. I actually was able to drink a little more today and move around more. I think I am on the right track, things are looking up. I am anxious to see what the weekend will bring. I am hoping to be feeling like a brand new person by Monday!

2 days after surgery

I am feeling a little better today. I was actually able to sleep in the bed for a few hours last night and took a nap this afternoon. Still have lots of gas pain that I am fighting and cant seem to get much liquid down. I sure hope this is normal. I have had to force myself to have the liquid protein - yuck! I have resorted to mixing it with as little liquid as possible just so I can get it down. Really treating it more like medicine than nutrition. I found myself wanting food today, not because I was hungry and definitely not because I thought it would go down, but because I wanted it to make me feel better. I have had food as a friend for so long I cant help but want to go back to it for comfort. Luckily seeing how I am having a hard time getting juice down I certainly wont even be trying food for quite some time. Also, when I am in pain I cant help but think "what I have I done, why did I do this to myself"?? I know this will pass once I start feeling better and I will be very happy with my decision but honestly right now, it seems like a not so good road to have taken. I have read that people want you to remember how you felt about food right after the surgery so that you can get back to that same feeling later and really start dropping the pounds. I don't want to feel like this later! And if that is the overall goal, then it sucks!! I don't like having to force myself to drink and know that is going to cause discomfort and that I will have to get up and walk around after just a few sips because it hurts. I don't like feeling like I have to burp every time I stand up but yet I cant get anything to come up and it just hurts. I sure hope this get better, its got to right? People wouldn't keep doing this if it didn't get better, right? OK, I am going to stop whining now - I did actually say I was feeling better didn't I? :)

Day after surgery

I made it home yesterday by 11am. The surgery went fine, no problems and no hiatial hernias. Yay! Last night was a rough night. Lots of gas pain and not able to get comfortable enough to sleep more than 30 minutes at a time - even with pain meds. I basically am having to sleep sitting straight up...not easy for me since I am a stomach sleeper! I had mostly just ice chips and water yesterday, and a SF popsicle. Still not really feeling like drinking much - nothing sounds good and so far I had diluted apple juice this morning and it made me feel a little nauseous. I just really want to get rid of this gas pain. It has settled in my back right between my shoulder blades and is VERY uncomfortable. I have been walking around the house quite a bit just to get some relief and taking the gas-x strips. Hopefully today will be the last day of this pain. I know it lasts longer for some people, but man I am hoping that mine will be gone today or at least lessened so I can rest.

Tomorrow is the Big Day!

I cant believe its actually going to happen. I am actually going to go through with this and it is all happening tomorrow. I have so many hopes and dreams that I am kinda of scared to hope and dream in fear that they will not come true. If you dont hope, you are not disappointed...but that is a very boring life. I want to believe that this is the thing that is really going to work. I have tried so many diets and exercise plans. I have lost weight many times before but it always comes back. I even got certified as a personal trainer. But I felt like such a fraud because I couldnt keep the weight off. I cant help but think, what will it be like....

- to put on a t-shirt and not have to stretch it out so that it doesnt cling to me
- to be able to grab something out of the closet and throw it on and know that it looks decent
- to plan to go to an event and not freak out at the last minute because I can find anything to wear because everything looks horrible on me
- to be able to eat a regular meal and be satisfied with the amount in front of me - especially being able to leave some of it behind
- to be able to buy clothes based on their "cuteness" not on their stretchability
- to be free from food fest nights where the eating is endless even to the point of pain
- to be able to turn over in the bed at night and not have my stomach get in the way

I am sure there are many more, but I will stop there for now. Needless to say, I am looking forward to the possibilities.

Ugh! Too Much!!!

I just ate one of those pasta bowls from Domino's pizza, along with a bread stick and a dessert stick....now I feel sick! It was way too much. I had actually stopped earlier and left most of the bowl but now I just went back and finished it off. Ugh. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I do this to myself. I don't know why I do this!!! I know this is one of the things that I will have to dig deeper into and really discover why I do this if the cycle is ever going to change. I am hoping the band will slow me down long enough to figure out why I do this and be able to stop. I so want to have freedom from the hold that food has over me. Is that too much to ask for? I sure hope not!

Keeping it to myself

I haven't told very many people that I am having surgery. My husband, my kids, and a couple of my closest friends. I am just not ready to start shouting from the roof tops to everyone else - (except of course on lap band message boards - because they get it!). I know that there will be others that have their opinions or "concerns" and frankly I just don't want to hear them right now. I am sure at some point it will come out to those who I haven't told and they will probably give me a hard time because I didn't tell them...but I will deal with that when it happens. I did tell one of my co-workers today...mostly because she will be covering for me while I am out and because I have a couple lunch meeting scheduled with her in the coming weeks. So, I figured that would be kinda awkward if she didn't know why I wasn't eating lunch. She was very excited for me and had a few questions but I did not feel any judgement from her. She is a skinny little thing and has never been overweight so I didn't really think she would understand but I was pleasantly surprised that she was very supportive.

On a totally separate note, I have really got to get my act together. I have got some unpacking to do - just got back from a business trip to Vegas - and my room is a wreck! Plus I still have to pick up my essentials from the grocery store and get all my laundry done. I plan to do that this weekend so that I can be totally ready on Monday. I have to be a the surgery center at 6am Tuesday morning! I cant believe it is actually so close to happening...I am so ready to get this started. Not that I have been trying for months to push this through or get approved by my insurance...it has all actually happened very quickly. I have thought about it for a long time but kept talking myself out of it thinking that I didn't "need" to take that route - that I could do it on my own. But the truth is I cannot maintain any weight loss of a long period of time. And as I get older it is getting harder and harder to lose each time. I almost cant imagine what it will be like to lose weight and KEEP it off this time. It almost seems too good to be true...and if I am honest with myself I do have my doubts as to whether or not it will work or if I will be successful at this...but I am eager to give it my all and hope for the best. 3 more days to go...trying not to have too many "last meals"!!

4 days to go!!

I cant beleive I only have 4 days left till surgery! I am so excited...and a little nervous. But mostly I am anxious to get started and a bit concerned about being successful. From what I have read on other boards, alot of people have the same feelings. Worried that they will fail. I would definitely say that is what I am feeling - especially after going through surgery and paying for it myself! I want so much to be successful, and the thought of getting to the point where I can maintain a healthy weight and not have to do this roller coaster thing anymore is pretty exciting!